Stimulus

YOU NEED TO HELP THE ECONOMY!!!
Important Information on the Stimulus  Payment
"This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic  Stimulus Payment.  This is a very exciting new program that I will explain  using the Q and A format:
"Q. What is an Economic Stimulus  Payment?
"A. It is money that the federal government  will send to Taxpayers.
"Q. Where will the government get this  money?
"A. From taxpayers.
"Q. So the government is giving me back my own  money?
"A. Only a smidgen.
"Q. What is the purpose of this  payment?
"A. The plan is that you will use the money to  purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the  economy.
"Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of  China?
"A.  Shut up."
Below is some helpful advice on how to best  help the Economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:  
If you spend that money at K-Mart, all the  money will go to China.
If you spend it on petrol it will go to the  Arabs.
If you purchase a computer it will go to  India.
If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go  to South East Asia or New Zealand (unless you buy  organic).
If you buy a car it will go to  Japan.
If you purchase useless crap it will go to  Taiwan.
And none of it will help the  economy.
We need to keep that money here.  You can  keep the money here by spending it at garage sales, going to a football game,  or spending it on prostitutes, beer or tattoos, since those are  the only businesses still here.